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229 pages, Kindle Edition
First published December 15, 2015
All at once, he got what she meant. There was a kind of holding in his chest, and he could let it out, like a breath. It felt like a flower unfolding, one petal at a time. Because right here, here was how badly he craved one of those little white pills he’d flushed down the toilet. And right here, here was how scared he’d been ninety percent of the time in Afghanistan, and the time he’d felt safest had been the time he’d been least safe. And right here? How much he wanted one more chance to give J.J. shit. And how goddamn much it sucked Braden couldn’t go on a fucking kayaking trip with his fucking father and had to accept Nate as a shitty substitute —
“It’s okay,” she was saying.
A tear slid down the side of his face into his ear. That wasn’t his, was it? In his chest, something was thawing and breaking up like an iceberg. Oh, fuck, no. No fucking way. He swiped the back of his hand across his eyes.
“Accept whatever comes up. Say yes to it.”
“Shut up. Shut up.”
“Yes, anger. Yes, grief.”
“Shut up, Alia.”
“Yes, to whatever is there–”
“Alia!” He sat up and grabbed her arms, shook her. “Shut the fuck up and get up here and let me kiss you. Okay? That’s all. That’s what I say yes to. Just–Just–”
Then she was in his arm and her mouth was on his and yes, this.